Over 1 in 10 youth in the U.S. are experiencing depression that severely impairs their ability to function at school or work, at home, with family, or in their social life.
(Source: mhanational.org)
Thirteen-year-old Sylva falls within that “1 in 10″ statistic. Her courage in advocating for herself and seeking the help she needed was remarkable and so was the bravery and responsiveness shown by her mom, Katie and her dad, Scott.
Katie and Scott describe Sylva as creative and sensitive. She has good friends and does well in school. She’s observant and tuned into other people’s feelings. They note that she is also very good at masking her own feelings and is reluctant to burden or inconvenience others, so she often flies under the radar. In the past, she’s battled anxiety and her well-being was adversely affected by the isolation of the pandemic years.
“At the beginning of eighth grade, the grade I am in now, my life started feeling like it was spiraling,” says Sylva. “Spiraling and going out of my control. And it just kept getting worse and worse. And I remember telling my therapist. I’ve never really felt anything like this—I haven’t felt this bad ever. When I was in sixth grade I needed help and support for self-harming. I had a long break from it and stopped in seventh grade, but then I started again and it was worse and more severe this time.”
To get the help she needed, Sylva did something a little out of character: she wrote a letter to her mom not only expressing her feelings, but asking for something she knew would be inconvenient—she needed someone to be with her at all times.
“I was just worried that I would hurt myself too badly. I just didn’t feel safe alone in my house. I felt like I needed people to stop me from having those urges,” says Sylva.
Katie took action immediately. “It was shocking to me. I am just so grateful she shared with me. I think it was the result of work we’ve been doing all along,” says Katie. “I knew I needed to take this seriously. I knew we were in crisis mode. I didn’t know she was still self-harming or doing it again and feeling that way. We connected with our therapist right away. She referred us to Amberwing and work and school schedules were rearranged so Sylva wouldn’t be alone while we waited to get in.”
Amberwing–Center for Youth & Family Well-Being, created and owned by the Miller-Dwan Foundation, prioritizes innovative models of care that seek to understand the root causes of mental health issues and provide services that intentionally build resilience and healing.
Sylva spent three weeks in Amberwing’s outpatient program, commonly called partial hospitalization. During that time she learned the Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) skills that would allow her to reduce her stress and anxiety and regulate her emotions.
“I learned skills like breathing,” says Sylva. “And that I could do something as simple as hold on to an ice-cube to redirect my feelings and my focus when I feel panicked, which really works for me.”
Sylva was also evaluated for attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) at Amberwing, which her therapist suspected may have been causing some of Sylva’s frustration and difficulty with focus.
“The fact that they paid attention to my ADHD made me feel more heard,” says Sylva. “They are really empathetic and helpful. When our group would get distracted during a lesson they would gently get us back in the groove. They would let us draw and fidget during lessons. It’s not normalized like that in school.”
It was a big accomplishment for Sylva to speak out for herself and a bold move by her mom Katie to do exactly what needed to be done to get Sylva help as soon as possible.
Sylva’s story isn’t over. She continues to use her skills, meet with her therapist, and on Fridays she has a skill refresher class at school. She is feeling better now, and knows that she will continue to need to use her skills regularly.
“Being a 13-year-old is pretty overwhelming,” says Sylva. “I know a lot of people say eighth grade is one of the hardest years in middle school. And middle school in general is really difficult. Just because there’s a lot of changes and change is really hard for pretty much anybody.”
For Katie it is so much more than that. “There is so much pressure on kids today. Social media is such a big influence and it feels so real to them,” says Katie. “And it is such a huge contributor to this mental health crisis. I think it was so good for Sylva to connect with real, present, trusted adults at Amberwing.”
The advice Katie and Scott would give parents is to listen and get past the thought that if your child is struggling you did something wrong, because it’s not helpful.
“Listen to your kids if they reach out,” says Scott. “Take it seriously. Really try to support them and get them help if they need it. Don’t be afraid.”
“As a parent, you can feel really alone in trying to negotiate the whole system and advocate for your kids,” says Katie. “We need to help each other more as a community. We need to take care of each other better. I just want people to know that this is a resource in the community. I also want people to know that we need more of this resource.”
